The past few weeks have consisted of the 4 S's. Stressed, Scared, Sisters, and Sweetness. For you to understand this post, you will have to know a little about my personal life. Please note: I have NO intention in hurting anyone, but I have to be honest in my feelings on the matter.
4 Years ago, my dad walked out. There was a lot going on, which doesn't matter now, for its all in the past. My siblings and I all got pulled into their divorce. More than any child should EVER have to. As a result, we have all had bad feelings for almost 4 years against my dad. Myself personally, harbored A LOT of bad feelings, I saw too much, heard too much, and became very bitter against my dad. Needless to say, I've had some bad feelings as a constant companion.
Stressed: A few weeks back, I got a call from my mom stating that my sisters just told her that they had lunch with my dad. My mom was hysterical. After talking to my mom, I called my sisters. They stated that they didn't know how much of a relationship they wanted with my dad, but they did know that they didn't want any regrets if anything were to happen. While I wasn't ready to follow their steps, I understood, and even admired them for their decision. My mom didn't handle the information well, which was understandable after everything that happened to her personally. All of this has led to a very stressful, tense, downright miserable few weeks. I've always been there for my mom. I was the first to share bad feelings I had towards my dad to my mom. In a sense, I enabled her the most to act the way she has. With all of this going on, my sisters and I were worried, and even scared, My sister called someone in her ward and we decided together to go see a counselor. We tried to get my mom to go with us, but we didn't win. We didn't let that stop us, and seeing the "shrink" was the best thing we could have done. It not only helped me deal with my feelings on the matter, but also to understand the why behind my feelings. I'm very glad We went.
Scared: I didn't know that I was going to see my dad, it just kind of... happened. It was the first time in over 2 years that I had seen him, and it was truly TERRIFYING. I didn't know how to act, or what to say. I told my sisters, and they were great at staying by my side and kept things light. While it was still awkward, probably for both of us, I'm so glad it happened. Things are not perfect, and I still find myself mad at the situation sometimes, but next to meeting and marrying Rob, I believe it was the best thing that I have done in years, if not ever. The weight has been lifted off my shoulders is amazing. I do believe that when you hold a grudge, you end up hurting yourself just as much, if not more.
Sisters: Throughout all of this, and a few weeks before with all the baby talk, I have become SUPER close with my sisters. (as evidence of a recent blog post) They really are my best friends. I am really blessed to be their sisters. I love that we can talk everyday, even if its just a text when one of us hear our new song "God gave me you" by Blake Shelton. I love them more than I ever thought possible.
Sweet: This really doesn't have anything to do with the other part of the post, but I think it was AMAZING, and I wanted to have it so I could back and remember it. This past Sunday, my sister Brittany blessed her new little boy Korbin. One of the many highlights of yesterday. After the blessing, I was playing on the ground with kon and Chloe and kon was the monster. Chloe kept telling me to hide her from the monster. This is going on for a good 10 minutes when Chloe sits straight up, looks at me and says "I wanna give you a kiss Emily." she gives me a kiss, then goes right back to her monster game.
"It's the little moments that make life big"
As stressful, and wonderful as my life can be, all at the same time, remember. "don't blink Life Goes Faster Than You Think." -Kenny Chesney.
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