I warn you now; this is probably going to be a long personal post, with no pictures.
At the end of April/beginning of March, as my surgery approached, I decided not to do birth control, because if I was put on an antibiotic by the surgeon, it would ruin that month anyway. After my surgery and recovery, I just never picked it up. Rob asked about it once or twice, and we kind of decided that if a baby happened, it happened. So we went on without it. In June, I thought I was pregnant, but after a test, I learned I wasn’t. It was a really sad night for me.
Fast forward to August. I went to my yearly appointment, and my doctor asked about birth control. I told him that we were had not been using any since April/March. This seemed to raise some red flags for him. (The reason I decided to be on the birth control I was, was because of the high chance of pregnancy the month after you stopped it.) The doctor decided to do a blood test.
A week or so after my doctor apt, the office called and said that I don’t ovulate, or hadn’t in the last 6 or so months, and he recommended Clomid. However, the doctor wouldn’t start it until he could meet with both Rob and I, and talk to us about the stats, risks, etc. When I told Rob this he said “I knew something was wrong with one of us since we were not pregnant yet.” Due to Rob’s work schedule, he couldn’t go unless it was a Friday. My doctor only works every 4-6 Fridays. Our appointment was 9/23. I was told that this apt would just be us sitting in the doctor’s office, talking about stats, risks, things to do and not due while on the Clomid, and then get a referral for Rob to get tested. I got to the apt a little early, and they took me right back. They told me that they had to do an exam and make sure there are no cysts before they can start the Clomid. As I changed and waited for Rob and the doctor, I just started crying. I couldn’t handle having one more thing stand in our way of this. The doctor did find a cyst during his exam, and he thought it was about 8CM on my right ovary. He sent us to get an ultrasound right away, due to the size just to be sure that’s all it was. We were lucky enough to get into the ultrasound that afternoon. It was fun in the ultrasound. Rob asked a lot of questions, and our tech was WONDERFUL, she explained everything to us, and then explained what to expect if/when it ruptured. And the signs to watch for that would mean a trip to the ER. When we left the hospital, I was DRAINED. I think I slept for pretty much the whole night starting at 6PM.
The doctor’s office called me last night, and told me what they found with the ultrasound, which is basically, it’s full of blood and puss, and when it ruptures, it will be very painful, but they are not overly worried. I have a follow up appointment with him on 10/20, and then we will do another ultrasound in 6-8 weeks to make sure it goes away. Then we can start moving forward in this process.
This whole thing has been super hard for me. I have ALWAYS wanted kids, so it only makes sense that I want it even more now that I have been married. I feel really inadequate through all this, and I feel like I should be able to do this, after all, this is what my body was made to do. To keep up with the new theme I’m doing on my blog (If you didn’t catch it, I’m sure you could go back the past few posts, and other places on my blog and see the theme) but the title for this blog is a song called “So Hard” by Dixie chicks. There is a line that I really like in it, it goes:
“It felt like a given, something a woman’s born to do. A natural ambition, to see a reflection of me and you. And I’d feel so guilty if that was a gift I couldn’t give. And could you be happy, if life wasn’t how we pictured it? And sometimes I just want to wait it out, and prove everybody wrong. And I need your help to move on Cause you know it’s so hard, it’s so hard, it’s so hard when it doesn’t come easy.”
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Rocky Mountain High...Colorado
This past weekend, Rob and I were able to sneek away for a weekend in Colorado, along with a little brother, and a cousin. The weekend started out on Friday. I was hoping to get off work at 12:00, but my boss had other plans. I was finally able to sneek away at 2PM (since I was at work at 6AM). We packed up the car, and headed to Colorado. We got there at about 10:30 PM, and met up with Ryan and Jill, Robs cousin we were staying with for the weekend (OMG, I LOVE her house!!)we stayed up talking until 2AM, then headed off to bed. We woke up the next morining and met up with uncle Larry go spend a few hours on the boat. We grabbed breakfast, and then went to Carter lake (I know, fitting right?)It was a cloudy day, but the lake was nice, and despite the few raindrops, we had A LOT of fun (I love my uncles boat) after that, we went home and got ready for the Rockies game. (it was a first for Rob and I)before the game, we went to a place called Biker Joe's. Its a hot dog place that has hot dogs made out of CRAZY different ingredients. I got a normal hot dog, and it was THE BEST hot dog I have ever had. After eating, and letting the Rain end, we went into the stadium. The game was fun, and we (Jill, Janelle, and I) did a lot of people watching. It was a lot of fun hanging out with them. After the game, we headed back to Jill and Ryans, and made a fire and had Smores. I had a little accident, and fell off my chair, and it was SOOOO funny. Im not sure what exactly happened, all I know is one minute im on the chair, and the next, the gravel shifted, and I was on the ground. Dont worry though, the Smore stuff was safe. After that, I went to bed early, I was exhausted, and not feeling very well. Everyone else stayed up and played Rock band for a while. The next morning, we got up and got ready and headed into Boulder. It was a really fun little part of town, where we just window shopped, and watched a few street performers. They had this really cool "Dog". It was a guy in a costume, but he was really good at acting like a dog. after we were done walking around, we at at a place called BJ's pizza. It was super good (and Rob and I succeed on eating things that were not in Utah- thats two trips in a row!) after lunch, we headed back to Utah. I think this is where the real adventure starts. I drove from Boulder CO, to Rock Springs WY. (it was about 5 hours) we stop and get gas, and then Rob started to Drive. Janelle and I were in the back seat falling asleep, when I hear a bad noise, and Rob is pulling over. We had a flat tire on the Drivers front side. Rob and Scott were able to change it in no time, and we were back on the road again. This was at about 9:45PM-ish. We dropped Janelle off at her house in Ogden, and I was falling asleep in the backseat again, when I hear Scott or Rob say "Oh crap, we have ANOTHER flat tire" we were in downtown SLC. about 3 minutes from my house. This time it was the Passanger Front tire. We get off the freeway and Scott runs to his house (yes, he literally RAN) this is about 12:30AM. Scott Ran to his house, got his bike, rode it to my house, got his car, came back, and we tried his spare tire. It was just a little off. So then he drove to his house to see if his roomates tires might work. No such luck. He got back, and we called a Tow truck to take the car to our house. The Tow guy comes in record time. He is getting the car on his rig, has to pull it up and down a few times, and finally comes up to us and says "Im gonna be honest, I just broke your power stearing." Its now 1:45AM Monday morning. They take the car to the shop, and the guy says they are paying for the car to be replaced. (as they should). needless to say, we got home and to bed at about 2:30AM to wake up at 5:30 for work. It was a LONG monday. But the trip was really fun, and I was glad we got to spend time with family. I love Robs family! Here are a few pictures.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
“Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes, how do you measure a year in a life?”
A year ago, we were gathered around your bed when you took your last breath, and crossed over to the other side of the veil.
“While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him on the other side of the veil.”
-President John Taylor
“Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred journeys to plan”
In the year since you have been gone, I have been to the west coast, and the east coast. Yet, I still remember our trips over the 24Th of July up to the Gorge like they were yesterday.
“In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee, In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.”
Every time I smell fresh brewed coffee, or hear the beginning sounds of a coffee pot, I remember waking up in the motor home. I remember your amazing laughter and attitude while you fought your long battle with cancer. You did everything you could to put your family first. You are an amazing example to me.
“Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes, how do you measure a year in the life? How about love? It’s time now, to sing out, Though the story never ends. Let’s celebrate and Remember the year in the life of friends. Remember the love! You know that love is a gift from up above. Share love, give love, spread love, Measure your life in love!”
In the past year, I have learned the importance of a memory, and how valuable they become as time passes. Looking back, I would have done things differently. I would have had you walk me down the aisle. I would have danced with you at my wedding. I would have visited more, called more.
It’s comforting to know that we will see each other again. I like to think you are up there in heaven on a boat. I like to believe you’re up there teaching my kids how to fish. It was the best spending summers with you, and I hope It’s still going on up there.
I am very lucky to have been in the room with you for your last moments on earth, To know that you loved us all.
“Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; a horizon is nothing, save the limit of our sight.”
I love you Grandpa, and I miss you.
“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.”
A year ago, we were gathered around your bed when you took your last breath, and crossed over to the other side of the veil.
“While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him on the other side of the veil.”
-President John Taylor
“Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred journeys to plan”
In the year since you have been gone, I have been to the west coast, and the east coast. Yet, I still remember our trips over the 24Th of July up to the Gorge like they were yesterday.
“In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee, In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.”
Every time I smell fresh brewed coffee, or hear the beginning sounds of a coffee pot, I remember waking up in the motor home. I remember your amazing laughter and attitude while you fought your long battle with cancer. You did everything you could to put your family first. You are an amazing example to me.
“Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes, how do you measure a year in the life? How about love? It’s time now, to sing out, Though the story never ends. Let’s celebrate and Remember the year in the life of friends. Remember the love! You know that love is a gift from up above. Share love, give love, spread love, Measure your life in love!”
In the past year, I have learned the importance of a memory, and how valuable they become as time passes. Looking back, I would have done things differently. I would have had you walk me down the aisle. I would have danced with you at my wedding. I would have visited more, called more.
It’s comforting to know that we will see each other again. I like to think you are up there in heaven on a boat. I like to believe you’re up there teaching my kids how to fish. It was the best spending summers with you, and I hope It’s still going on up there.
I am very lucky to have been in the room with you for your last moments on earth, To know that you loved us all.
“Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; a horizon is nothing, save the limit of our sight.”
I love you Grandpa, and I miss you.
“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.”
Monday, September 5, 2011
Ducks and Sweet Caroline
Let me start off by saying this (and I'll probably say it more than this time in this blog post) I LOVE BOSTON!
Rob and I just got back from a long weekend in Boston. Neither of us had been there before, so it was really cool (like our trip two years ago during Labor day to Dallas- I sense a trend starting here for Labor day) We started out by heading to the airport on Friday morning. We got there a little early, got through security, got something to eat, then headed to Baltamore. We had about a 3 hour layover before we headed for Boston. We got something to eat at one of the restaurants in the airport (the silver diner), then Got on our flight to Boston. Flights were good, Other than we didnt get to sit together on any of the flights. (southwest is weird like that, but we have learned out lesson and now will check in super early online) When we landed in Boston, we got our luggage, and got our rental care. We had rented a compact car, and when they walked out to the cars, they said "This is all we have, keys are in it, take your pick" They were all SUV's. We got a 2011 Ford Explorer limited, and we were really impressed with it. once we got our car, we drove the 3 minutes to our hotel. We had a little confusion on the room situation, and it took about 30 minutes to actually get into the room-by this time it was 1AM. We went straight to bed to get up early and start sight seeing. Well, that didnt happen. We finally were ready to leave at about 11AM. We went straight to fenway to see if they had anything to do before the game. (We usually get to the stadiums about 2 hours before game time so we can watch batting practice.) When we parked, and made our way to the stadium, we were not dissapointed! The area around Fenway is made up of spots shops, bars, and other little odds and end shops. We walked around the stadium, got a slice of pizza, got some ice ceram, and then, it was finally time to go into the stadium. Rob was so excited. I loved it. He turns into this excited little kid when we go into any baseball stadium. We watched a little batting practice for the Rangers, and then the game started. Robs old friend and Teamate was the Pitcher for the Texas Rangers. His name is Colby Lewis. It was cool seeing him pitch. It was hard because I was conflicted on who to cheer for. (I claimed the sox before I met Rob) But I also love Jason Hamilton on the Rangers (He has an AWESOME history- If you ever need something to look into one day, Look into him. He has a great story.) so I kind of cheered for both him and Lewis, and then for the whole Red Sox team. All in all, it was the best game we have EVER been to. (I have been to 6 MLB games now, and Rob has been to 100's) We had a few firsts for this game, We saw our first grand slam. and we saw our first fan running accross the field in the middle of the game. it was AWESOME! It was so fun to sing "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond in the middle of the 8th inning, and we got to hear "Tessie" by the Dropkick Murphy's play, because the Sox won! It was so much fun. Red Sox funs are so fun, and the stadium was SOLD OUT. you dont see that much in MLB games, so it was really cool. After the game, we drove around Downtown boston a little, then decided to get something to eat, and then go to sleep so we could start early in the morning again to sightsee, since it was going to be our last day in Beantown. When we woke up, we got ready, and headed to go on a "Duck Tour" This was reccommended to me by a few people, and I was glad we did it. A "Duck" is an authentic World War II amphibious landing vehicle, renovated for sightseeing. They took us to some sights like: the Trinity Church, Boston Library, Becon Hill, Bunker Hill Monument, USS Constitution(Old Ironside), and Faneuil Hall/ Quincy Market. (thats just a few sights, it was an 80 minute tour) we also splashed into the Charles River, and then took a tour of the city from the river with Boston on one side, and Cambridge on the other. After our Duck, we went to Faneuil Hall. We walked around the shops, watched an awesome Street act by "The Red Trousers" and ate at Cheers (ya know, where everybody knows your name.) After that, we went and found a sports authority to find something my brother asked for (he is a DIE HARD sox fan) after that, we went back to the hotel and got some sleep. We kind of overslept, and had to rush to get ready and to the airport for our 10AM flight. We got through check in and Security with about 20 minutes to spare (or so we thought) we didnt board the plane until about 10:30. and then sat on the plane for about an hour. (Normally, this wouldnt stress me out, but we only had a 50 minute layover in Chicago to begin with) needless to say, when we finally left, and doing our decent into Chicago, we were told that the connecting flight was already boarded, and ready to go. They told us what gate number we needed to go to, and they let us off the plane first. As we start our mad dash through the airport, we hear our names being called over the PA system (which was funny because while we were in the SL airport, I told Rob that I thought it would be embarassing to be paged while at the airport- Yeah, it was, especially when you have kicked off your flip flops, and are running through the airport.) we made it to the plane and they closed the door before we had even found seats. It was a sad time when we landed back in SL. I already cant wait for our next adventure. (there are talks of a weekend trip to a Colorado Rockies game- maybe!) I loved Boston! I loved the history (although we didnt have enough time to see most of it). I love the accent. I love Fenway. My only complaint is the Road systems. Whoever created them forgot to paint lines. anyway. Here are some pictures. ENJOY!!
Rob and I just got back from a long weekend in Boston. Neither of us had been there before, so it was really cool (like our trip two years ago during Labor day to Dallas- I sense a trend starting here for Labor day) We started out by heading to the airport on Friday morning. We got there a little early, got through security, got something to eat, then headed to Baltamore. We had about a 3 hour layover before we headed for Boston. We got something to eat at one of the restaurants in the airport (the silver diner), then Got on our flight to Boston. Flights were good, Other than we didnt get to sit together on any of the flights. (southwest is weird like that, but we have learned out lesson and now will check in super early online) When we landed in Boston, we got our luggage, and got our rental care. We had rented a compact car, and when they walked out to the cars, they said "This is all we have, keys are in it, take your pick" They were all SUV's. We got a 2011 Ford Explorer limited, and we were really impressed with it. once we got our car, we drove the 3 minutes to our hotel. We had a little confusion on the room situation, and it took about 30 minutes to actually get into the room-by this time it was 1AM. We went straight to bed to get up early and start sight seeing. Well, that didnt happen. We finally were ready to leave at about 11AM. We went straight to fenway to see if they had anything to do before the game. (We usually get to the stadiums about 2 hours before game time so we can watch batting practice.) When we parked, and made our way to the stadium, we were not dissapointed! The area around Fenway is made up of spots shops, bars, and other little odds and end shops. We walked around the stadium, got a slice of pizza, got some ice ceram, and then, it was finally time to go into the stadium. Rob was so excited. I loved it. He turns into this excited little kid when we go into any baseball stadium. We watched a little batting practice for the Rangers, and then the game started. Robs old friend and Teamate was the Pitcher for the Texas Rangers. His name is Colby Lewis. It was cool seeing him pitch. It was hard because I was conflicted on who to cheer for. (I claimed the sox before I met Rob) But I also love Jason Hamilton on the Rangers (He has an AWESOME history- If you ever need something to look into one day, Look into him. He has a great story.) so I kind of cheered for both him and Lewis, and then for the whole Red Sox team. All in all, it was the best game we have EVER been to. (I have been to 6 MLB games now, and Rob has been to 100's) We had a few firsts for this game, We saw our first grand slam. and we saw our first fan running accross the field in the middle of the game. it was AWESOME! It was so fun to sing "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond in the middle of the 8th inning, and we got to hear "Tessie" by the Dropkick Murphy's play, because the Sox won! It was so much fun. Red Sox funs are so fun, and the stadium was SOLD OUT. you dont see that much in MLB games, so it was really cool. After the game, we drove around Downtown boston a little, then decided to get something to eat, and then go to sleep so we could start early in the morning again to sightsee, since it was going to be our last day in Beantown. When we woke up, we got ready, and headed to go on a "Duck Tour" This was reccommended to me by a few people, and I was glad we did it. A "Duck" is an authentic World War II amphibious landing vehicle, renovated for sightseeing. They took us to some sights like: the Trinity Church, Boston Library, Becon Hill, Bunker Hill Monument, USS Constitution(Old Ironside), and Faneuil Hall/ Quincy Market. (thats just a few sights, it was an 80 minute tour) we also splashed into the Charles River, and then took a tour of the city from the river with Boston on one side, and Cambridge on the other. After our Duck, we went to Faneuil Hall. We walked around the shops, watched an awesome Street act by "The Red Trousers" and ate at Cheers (ya know, where everybody knows your name.) After that, we went and found a sports authority to find something my brother asked for (he is a DIE HARD sox fan) after that, we went back to the hotel and got some sleep. We kind of overslept, and had to rush to get ready and to the airport for our 10AM flight. We got through check in and Security with about 20 minutes to spare (or so we thought) we didnt board the plane until about 10:30. and then sat on the plane for about an hour. (Normally, this wouldnt stress me out, but we only had a 50 minute layover in Chicago to begin with) needless to say, when we finally left, and doing our decent into Chicago, we were told that the connecting flight was already boarded, and ready to go. They told us what gate number we needed to go to, and they let us off the plane first. As we start our mad dash through the airport, we hear our names being called over the PA system (which was funny because while we were in the SL airport, I told Rob that I thought it would be embarassing to be paged while at the airport- Yeah, it was, especially when you have kicked off your flip flops, and are running through the airport.) we made it to the plane and they closed the door before we had even found seats. It was a sad time when we landed back in SL. I already cant wait for our next adventure. (there are talks of a weekend trip to a Colorado Rockies game- maybe!) I loved Boston! I loved the history (although we didnt have enough time to see most of it). I love the accent. I love Fenway. My only complaint is the Road systems. Whoever created them forgot to paint lines. anyway. Here are some pictures. ENJOY!!
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